Ok I don't have to elaborate what happened to our break up but it didn't end well.  Let's just say we ended it but we left ourselves hanging, actually there's no closure.  We had a huge fight and we just ended it like that, I know both of us were not mature enough to handle it, I don't have to point who's to blame here but I think both of us we're so upset with each other that we had to end it because we already hurt each other so much.  The bad thing was we ended it on the phone, because he's far away from me now, he's in another town for a month already.  

Neway,   I think he has moved on already because before when we used to fight, he would find a way to talk to me even if I ignored him for days.  There were times that I played hard to get depending on the intensity of the pain I felt.  But those times I would get to miss him already.  But this time it's quite different, it's been 6 days now and I haven't even heard from him.  And I didn't even bother to text him.  I'm not regretful this time, actually I busy myself with other things just so I could forget him.  I really want to forget him and try to move on as much as possible cuz I don't want to repeat those things ever again.  We're on and off for the span of 2 years in our relationship and this time, I've decided that I shouldn't waste my time on him anymore.  

I used to cry a lot when we fight over stupid things but seems right now I've had enough and I'm trying to be stronger.  I try to conquer my feelings or not to use my heart so that I won't be bothered with what I feel for him.  I pray every night that someday my feelings would gone.  It's just that I don't want to be blinded by my feelings and get too attached cuz I see myself that I'm torturing myself a lot being with him.  It's just that in my mind it says, he's not so good for me eventhough we had good times together.  I finally told myself that even if he comes back crawling to me again, I would never ever give him a chance.  The reason for this was he made a thing that really hurts me a lot that I was on the verge of hating him too much.  I know he said words that he didn't mean it but it has a great impact on me. 

By the way he's my FIRST boyfriend, the first guy I fell in love with, that sometimes I asked myself why I loved him in the first place?  But then again, I told myself maybe God has given me this person so that I would really know what to do by next time.  Or He's given me a bad experience before I get to have a good experience, but I didn't regret that, I even thank God for giving me such an experienced.  I kinda regret why I focused myselt too much on him.  I had suitors before him but when I met him, I totally disregard the guys I knew, I stopped contacting them because of my bf, that my principle is when I finally had a bf I would be very loyal to him, which I actually did.  And now I've had so much realizations as to why I had to do that, but at least even if we broke up he's got nothing to say about me cuz I devoted myself to him.  I don't know if he would think of that, but all I know is that's just how I am. 

And now, I think this is it, he gave up on me now.  I know i'm moving on too, but it's like whoah, this is new to me huh, him not talking to me anymore.  He supposed to be not like this.  But oh well, life is just like that.  I wouldn't expect on him anymore.  But I still have questions on my mind till now, that was he over me already? has he moved on yet? 

Whatever it is, I'm letting go. 

I don't know where to start but recently me and my bf are in a long distance relationship now.  At first, I was really sad because as my bf went to another town to find a job, he had his colleagues with him one guy and a girl, (mind you, they barely know each other they only knew each other at a training school).  So the 3 of them flew on January 26, 2009.  What bothers me is that they live together in one room, and the reason for that is to save budget since it's only temporary.  Those times we fought on the phone explaining to him that why in the hell he allowed the girl to be with them when the girl can just have a separate room.  I can't really sleep at that time.  Then on the second week, we talk each other on the phone, he told me they're drinking beer and I hear the background voice, it's so noisy, it's 9pm at that time.  My bf would get mad at me cuz he said I don't trust him enough. 

Everytime we talked on the phone he would tell me that he's out with his colleagues and that girl would bring another girl friend too. So a lot of things are running in my mind.  Until I try not to think about it cuz it's not good for me anymore.  It worries me that he's there doing something that I do not know and I can't even see him but only telephone calls.  But lately I found out that one guy just got back here recently because he has a job waiting for him.  So the ones left there is my bf and that one girl.  So while on the phone, I told him "oh so it's you and her now".  And he was like "yeah".  At that back of my mind, I'm angry, mad, or something" but I can't cuz i want to act cool and not be jealous.  I don't know where to put myself here.  Do you think a girl and a guy living together for a long period of time would not develop feelings for each other? 

I told my bf that he has to come back here and just find a job here since it's hard for him to get a job there.  And he was like "since I'm already here, I would not waste my time".  I'm convincing him that even if the company here have low rates, at least he's got a training ground before he would go to another town to find a job, but he won't.  I just thought he's enjoying his stay there with that girl.  He also said to me I don't have to worry because that girl would move to another town by next week and he would surely come back here also because he can't pay also the rent, since he'd be left alone.

I don't know if I'm suspicious or doesn't trust him enough but random things come into my mind that maybe something's happening to both of them.  He said to me also a while that girl is a bit tomboyish and got a girlfriend but I really don't know cuz I haven't seen her, I don't know if he just made up that story just so I wouldn't get suspicious. If you were me? would you get the same feeling too?

I got used to it now, I convinced myself that that I have to trust him and that everything's fine, but I feel also like I'm trying to blind myself just so we don't argue.

And yesterday night, we talked on the phone I heard the background noise, the girl playing the guitar and singing with some of her friends.  My bf too is paranoid of me cuz there's this one guy who he gets jealous with, well a duty mate of mine in the hospital, and he's always asking me things about him if we're together, well of course as a group we're always together, but I'm not doing anything bad.  So I told my bf don't ever question me cuz you know right from the start I'm not like that, and I told him "I don't even question you much even if you're there sleeping with a room mate".  Because you know what? He would get angry everytime I question him about the girl.  So even if it sometimes hurt me, I don't bother anymore questioning a lot just for his own sake and so that we won't argue.  Do you think there's justice here or not?  I can't understand the feeling that I've got nothing to do since they're far away, even if I get mad a lot of times it won't really resolved unless they're still there.  I try to understand that he's there finding a job and he has nowhere else to go.  What should I do with this?  It really bothers me that he's there all the time with that girl and I know when they go out, they go together once in a while since one cannot left the other in the room, yah know what I mean?  I do love my bf so for the good of everything I remained cool.  What should I do? I don't want to keep explaining him that it bothers me because I've done that already and he's annoyed that I kept repeating it.