shezzowicked82's Datingish

im mad!

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:15:14 GMT

Haven't updated my blog lately, well that's because over the past months, I don't have a love life, it's all good. But then when my ex came back, the drama came in again. I can't understand the relationship. I get angry easily. I always fight with him over stupid things, or I kept repeating the things he did to me. Well, he really showed me lately that he's doing an effort just to be with me, he was struggling should I say. So , I gave him another chance. But I don't know, now that he's in my life. I just thought that things won't change.

There are just things that we can't jive. But i love him. He loves me too soo much. But I think there's lacking. I don't know if I'm too perfectionist but there's not a day that I would get mad at him for some reasons. I don't know if I'm happy enough or I don't really know. I'm always over analyzing things. Or maybe it's time for me to just be with another relationship. I do care about him a lot, and so is he.... but I can't help sometimes but be paranoid of things. When I do this , my bf would get so emotional and just try to cut everytime I try to tell him that I want to just let go of him. He's my first love and maybe if I should try someone out there then things would be great and that I don't keep on crying on random times. I know my bf has his flaws but I can't just take it,, because i'm too good for him and I keep looking on his negative aspects. I know this will sabotage our relationship, especially him cuz I end up being a nagger because he was once stupid before. And I know right now he keeps trying to correct those mistakes but I'm not satisfied.

Lots of people are saying that I should just let go and just ignore him but I am not doing it, I did once but once he came back I always accept him back. I think I'm a bit stupid. I know he's got problems with his family too, that's why he can't think straight and can affect sometimes our relationship. I know he wants a person who will love him wholeheartedly, I can do it, but he's got an attitude that sometimes I couldn't take. I don't know if the problem is with me or with him. I always break up with him but we always got back together too. I know he sacrificed a lot since then with the way I treated him. I don't treat him good cuz he did bad things before. Aside from that, he can't get a job, he doesn't have enough money to treat me somewhere else . Sometimes we're stuck up at our house doing nothing also cuz he doesnt' want to go out, he kept visiting me at home but it's gets really boring cuz he can't take me to places to unwind ourselves. He won't even bring a snack for me or a surprise gift. Sometimes I got the money for my allowance but I couldn't just treat him elsewhere cuz I'm a girl, it's his responsible as a guy to get that for me. I don't want also to end up providing for him or providing something for a date. That's just so unfair too. But one thing that sticks me to him is his being true to me, the way he showed how much he loves me. But what's up with that, if he won't do something for himself to make me proud of him. Sighhhh I just thought that when I finally graduate and he can't still find a job I would really let go of him for good. I don't care if I hurt him. But it's too stupid if by the time it comes I'd be the breadwinner and just spend my money for everything. Sighhh

Flirting or Just no respect at all?

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 05:37:01 GMT

Well, I don't know if I can call it flirting as a joke or my gosh.

I don't want to say I'm jealous cuz I am not especially with my friends.

But here's my story:

I kinda observed that my friends were always flirting with my boyfriend in front of me. Sometimes they just do it as a joke, but it pisses me that they don't even think or at least show respect to me.

Ok, in my group of friends, I'm the only one who has a boyfriend and all of them were desperate of having one, So whenever me and my friends hang out, my bf is there with me and maybe they couldn't even see any guy so they just make fun of my bf. WTF.

I know my bf doesn't show interest because he treats them as their sisters since me and my bf are older than my friends. Me and my bf broke up 3 months ago and he's coming back but I didn't tell them that we got back together, but he's with me when I hang out with my friends lately. Ughhh, I don't know what to do since, I can't even tell them to stay away from my guy, because we have a good bonding together but sometimes they're out of their limits and just persistently do it in front of me. LIke, hugging, holding, or just simply acting like they want to kiss my bf. My bf would just laugh it off, and he kinda avoid it but my friends are out of the way. Sighh, what to do?

My bf is not so close to any of my friends but he just hang because I would want him also to get to know them. Some are old friends and some are new ones. But I got 3 friends of mine who is the JOKER of the group so they end up making fun of my bf , sometimes even hit on him. And I act like I'm okay with it but sometimes I can't help it but get pissed . I just can't show it to them cuz I don't want to ruin a good "getting together or bonding with friends". All I did is just to distance myself acting I do something or talk to another person just so they couldn't say I'm not so protective or clingy. And I know my bf can see me pissed sometimes because of my reaction towards him. Instead of gettting angry with my friends I end up getting mad at him. So bad of me.

The unexpected, my ex

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 11:38:26 GMT

Ok so just today, I didn't know my ex is coming back here for me? Well, the last time he talked to me he said he want to settle things and wanna come back because he can't take the pressure there working his butt. He said he won't go back there anymore, because he realized I am more important than anyone else. Mind you, I was soooo mad at him, I find him so annoying because he kept bugging me. And early this time, about lunch time, he called me up that he's just arrived and that he wants to talk to me personally. I was surprised also when his friend texted me saying that my bf went to their house and talk to them about me. I lied to my bf that I'm out of town and that I'm coming back by June. Well, by end of this month I would really leave here because I have an affiliation to do at school. He won't believe me even if I was explaining to him, he really insisted that he wants to talk to me. He never stopped calling, even if I was rejecting all his calls. So, I told him once and for all on the text that "we're over, there's nothing he can do to change my mind" I don't love him and I hate him. I even cursed him. But he won't listen, cuz all he wants is just to talk to me. But I don't want to give him a chance. My head aches because all the time I was with my family, we were at the mall shopping some goods, he kept calling me. Ughhhhh. I really really hate it. I want to cut all the ties with him. I don't want to change my number though cuz I've changed for 3 times already and I'm too lazy to announce to everyone and forward messages to all about my new number.

I told him that I'd be back by June. He said he would wait for me. He said even if for me we're already over, for him it's not, he still has the right. I was like how come? we're not even married that you have the right? He still hopes for us. But I don't want him anymore because of all the mistakes he did. To him, no matter how mean I am, he really wants me forever and he said I'm the person that he wanted to marry.

What does he really want? Should I give him a chance to talk to me or not? I really hate him now.

I don't want to see his face, begging for me and asking for a chance again, cuz I'm so tired of it. I wanna move on.

Do I drive men away? or what

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:39:15 GMT

ok I kind of get to experience this a lot.

Everytime a guy gets to like me, they text and stuffs, make an effort, but I'm not showing interest, by not texting them back or sometimes I'm replying too late.

But that's just me cuz I wanna make sure if he's true or sincere to me, that's how I test guys. And sometimes when they stop talking to me, I kind of wonder why? I hate this feeling, and that's the time I realized that he's a great guy. But I just don't have the nerve to send random messages or quotes.

Well, do you think with my style I would drive men away?

Moving on, I feel good

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 00:07:30 GMT

Yeah, they say it’s hard to move on especially when someone dearest to you has hurt you a lot, but I tell you not in my case, my secret to getting over someone is not to think about them often. It’s about trying to live each day without thinking about them. Though sometimes I can think of the person, but only the person itself not talking about feelings anymore. It’s just a matter of setting your mind that, that one person is no longer for you and that you have to move and look for brighter side of things. Don’t dwell anymore on the past things, the good things you two share together, and the memories. I know it could only lead to wanting that person or missing them more. That’s not so right. I used to do that before, whenever my bf and I broke up, he would apologize and I would just forgive him and get back with him again. This time, let’s say I’m not merciful enough. I’m thinking now of my self worth. It’s about having a peace of mind by letting go of that someone. Mind you, I was so in love with this person but there’s a point that I said to myself that this is enough and I have to be firm with my decisions. I know things can still be resolved but only to his benefit but not for me. I was thinking if I would try to fix things and get back with him? Do I feel happy? I know it would be a cycle again, kiss and make up and I’m so tired of that stuff. I think one should learn a lesson that not all things could be done by apologies and only to find out doing the same mistake again. I know it’s a burden on one’s part. I know I can forgive but the scars won’t heal if I won’t totally let go of that person. Yeah it’s sad, but I’m trying to be strong, strong enough that I won’t be touch by my emotions with so much self-pity from a guy.

In my situation, my bf of 2 years (my first bf), now my ex-bf, was trying to get a hold of me. He did everything just so I would get back with him, but for me it’s too late. It’s still useless, cuz he’s far away now. I know he struggled a lot there to find a job, but one thing or another he taken me for granted, not only that, there are still private things that he did something and it really hurt me a lot, let’s just say he never respected me at some point. He never valued me I guess, and he realized lately that he needed me. He did all the explanations suffice it to say “bullsh*t reasons” just so I’m convince I would not break up with him. But this time, I’m gonna say it’s over for good. I’m ignoring all his calls and texts just so I could forget everything. I’m enjoying my life here with my friends. I’m really having a sense of fulfillment when I did bond with my friends. This past few weeks, my classes is almost over and I did grab a chance to party, I didn’t even think what time I would go home, all I know is I’m doing it so that I couldn’t even think about him, and yeah it’s EFFECTIVE. I met new people too, little did I know there are still good people around me, I didn’t even expect that there would be someone out there who cares for me more than my ex bf does. But I wouldn’t jump into a new relationship that fast. I’m just trying to observe and see what goes after this. Well, I know it’s still fresh, and I thought to myself that it would take me a year I guess before I would try to have a new relationship. All I know, is I’m happier than ever before. I thought to myself there is still a life ahead of me and that I’m not gonna waste my time with so much drama in life. Let things do itself and I’m always praying to the Man above that he would guide me and give me more happiness in life. That’s just about it, I learned that sometimes you have to let go of things that could be miserable to you. As the saying goes, “you’re happy standing in the rain, but you know it could make you sick”.

Give me tips please?

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:03:25 GMT

ok well I'm a friendly, smiling person and whenever i knew someone especially a guy, they would act interested in me. I know they are obvious, but then I think I drove them away by being cold, prude, or sometimes being weird.

I'm sick of my style, like playing hard to get all the time, cuz I don't want guys to see me as easy, and that way I could test how consistent they are to me.

There are really straightforward guys who would tell me they want to get to know me better or wanna date me but I always show them I'm not interested.

But at the end of the day I get lonely, as to why I'm always acting like this. I've had one bf ever since and he's the only guy who sacrificed my being even if I rejected him a couple of times.

And now, that I'm single, I tend to do the thing I did before, and that's "playing hard to get"

Can you give me tips, to be more open to other guys? How do you do that?

He's chasing after me or what?

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:54:59 GMT

ok haha I don't know what's gonna be my reaction to this.

I thought my bf is really over me for good.

But you know what, after 9 days of not talking to each other, we're both silent, and I'm trying to move on, he's calling me unexpectedly but I never picked up the phone, I kept rejecting it.

I kinda made a revenge after all what he did to me. The last time we had argument, I lower down my pride and say sorry, I called him up but he also rejected my call. And now he's calling me after 9 days? wtf? What's going on with him. What does he expect? He's had a follow up text since I didn't pick up the phone, and he was like "sorry, i want us to be friends, if you don't want to pick it up I respect that, but one thing, I still love you"....damn!

I would never ever get back with him. I want him to feel the pain he caused me last week.

We broke up! but ...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 15:50:18 GMT

Ok I don't have to elaborate what happened to our break up but it didn't end well. Let's just say we ended it but we left ourselves hanging, actually there's no closure. We had a huge fight and we just ended it like that, I know both of us were not mature enough to handle it, I don't have to point who's to blame here but I think both of us we're so upset with each other that we had to end it because we already hurt each other so much. The bad thing was we ended it on the phone, because he's far away from me now, he's in another town for a month already.

Neway, I think he has moved on already because before when we used to fight, he would find a way to talk to me even if I ignored him for days. There were times that I played hard to get depending on the intensity of the pain I felt. But those times I would get to miss him already. But this time it's quite different, it's been 6 days now and I haven't even heard from him. And I didn't even bother to text him. I'm not regretful this time, actually I busy myself with other things just so I could forget him. I really want to forget him and try to move on as much as possible cuz I don't want to repeat those things ever again. We're on and off for the span of 2 years in our relationship and this time, I've decided that I shouldn't waste my time on him anymore.

I used to cry a lot when we fight over stupid things but seems right now I've had enough and I'm trying to be stronger. I try to conquer my feelings or not to use my heart so that I won't be bothered with what I feel for him. I pray every night that someday my feelings would gone. It's just that I don't want to be blinded by my feelings and get too attached cuz I see myself that I'm torturing myself a lot being with him. It's just that in my mind it says, he's not so good for me eventhough we had good times together. I finally told myself that even if he comes back crawling to me again, I would never ever give him a chance. The reason for this was he made a thing that really hurts me a lot that I was on the verge of hating him too much. I know he said words that he didn't mean it but it has a great impact on me.

By the way he's my FIRST boyfriend, the first guy I fell in love with, that sometimes I asked myself why I loved him in the first place? But then again, I told myself maybe God has given me this person so that I would really know what to do by next time. Or He's given me a bad experience before I get to have a good experience, but I didn't regret that, I even thank God for giving me such an experienced. I kinda regret why I focused myselt too much on him. I had suitors before him but when I met him, I totally disregard the guys I knew, I stopped contacting them because of my bf, that my principle is when I finally had a bf I would be very loyal to him, which I actually did. And now I've had so much realizations as to why I had to do that, but at least even if we broke up he's got nothing to say about me cuz I devoted myself to him. I don't know if he would think of that, but all I know is that's just how I am.

And now, I think this is it, he gave up on me now. I know i'm moving on too, but it's like whoah, this is new to me huh, him not talking to me anymore. He supposed to be not like this. But oh well, life is just like that. I wouldn't expect on him anymore. But I still have questions on my mind till now, that was he over me already? has he moved on yet?

Whatever it is, I'm letting go.

Guys, DO YOU EVEN CARE?

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:20:11 GMT

ok let's say you're far from your gf

when you don't call her or make effort to communicate with her, does it mean you don't care anymore? or not interested? or you divert yourself already to other things?

no credits on the celphone is a good excuse?

I want different opinions on guys perspective.

This bothers me

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 02:10:14 GMT

I don't know where to start but recently me and my bf are in a long distance relationship now. At first, I was really sad because as my bf went to another town to find a job, he had his colleagues with him one guy and a girl, (mind you, they barely know each other they only knew each other at a training school). So the 3 of them flew on January 26, 2009. What bothers me is that they live together in one room, and the reason for that is to save budget since it's only temporary. Those times we fought on the phone explaining to him that why in the hell he allowed the girl to be with them when the girl can just have a separate room. I can't really sleep at that time. Then on the second week, we talk each other on the phone, he told me they're drinking beer and I hear the background voice, it's so noisy, it's 9pm at that time. My bf would get mad at me cuz he said I don't trust him enough.

Everytime we talked on the phone he would tell me that he's out with his colleagues and that girl would bring another girl friend too. So a lot of things are running in my mind. Until I try not to think about it cuz it's not good for me anymore. It worries me that he's there doing something that I do not know and I can't even see him but only telephone calls. But lately I found out that one guy just got back here recently because he has a job waiting for him. So the ones left there is my bf and that one girl. So while on the phone, I told him "oh so it's you and her now". And he was like "yeah". At that back of my mind, I'm angry, mad, or something" but I can't cuz i want to act cool and not be jealous. I don't know where to put myself here. Do you think a girl and a guy living together for a long period of time would not develop feelings for each other?

I told my bf that he has to come back here and just find a job here since it's hard for him to get a job there. And he was like "since I'm already here, I would not waste my time". I'm convincing him that even if the company here have low rates, at least he's got a training ground before he would go to another town to find a job, but he won't. I just thought he's enjoying his stay there with that girl. He also said to me I don't have to worry because that girl would move to another town by next week and he would surely come back here also because he can't pay also the rent, since he'd be left alone.

I don't know if I'm suspicious or doesn't trust him enough but random things come into my mind that maybe something's happening to both of them. He said to me also a while that girl is a bit tomboyish and got a girlfriend but I really don't know cuz I haven't seen her, I don't know if he just made up that story just so I wouldn't get suspicious. If you were me? would you get the same feeling too?

I got used to it now, I convinced myself that that I have to trust him and that everything's fine, but I feel also like I'm trying to blind myself just so we don't argue.

And yesterday night, we talked on the phone I heard the background noise, the girl playing the guitar and singing with some of her friends. My bf too is paranoid of me cuz there's this one guy who he gets jealous with, well a duty mate of mine in the hospital, and he's always asking me things about him if we're together, well of course as a group we're always together, but I'm not doing anything bad. So I told my bf don't ever question me cuz you know right from the start I'm not like that, and I told him "I don't even question you much even if you're there sleeping with a room mate". Because you know what? He would get angry everytime I question him about the girl. So even if it sometimes hurt me, I don't bother anymore questioning a lot just for his own sake and so that we won't argue. Do you think there's justice here or not? I can't understand the feeling that I've got nothing to do since they're far away, even if I get mad a lot of times it won't really resolved unless they're still there. I try to understand that he's there finding a job and he has nowhere else to go. What should I do with this? It really bothers me that he's there all the time with that girl and I know when they go out, they go together once in a while since one cannot left the other in the room, yah know what I mean? I do love my bf so for the good of everything I remained cool. What should I do? I don't want to keep explaining him that it bothers me because I've done that already and he's annoyed that I kept repeating it.